Pappa wants mamma naked
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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