Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
