Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
