she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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