is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
