Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
