i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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