Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry about my life...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
