I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
