I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
