i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
