im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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