I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
