You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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