He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.