im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.