I skipped work to stalk him.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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