So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
