Betty ford says i'm here all night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
