Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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