Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
