Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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