How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
