sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize