why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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