When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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