Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize