tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
