You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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