if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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