Even water is tasting like jack daniels
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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