i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
