wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
