just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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