Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
