I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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