party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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