And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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