eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
