Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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