I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was like giving head to a cactus.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
