Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
