I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
