so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
