Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
