saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
