Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
