that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
