Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
