Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
