You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
