Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
love makes seman taste better
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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