I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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