If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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