I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am one with the molecules
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize