he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
