K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
