i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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