Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
