There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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