I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
