I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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