I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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