are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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