hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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