dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
