I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
