Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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