covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
