why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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