My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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